Wonder

 Wonderful” starts with wonder.  Can anything be truly wonderful if we do not feel the well of amazement when experiencing it?  

The most deeply religious men and women of history were consumed by “radical amazement.”  They peered at the world through lenses that saw the miraculous in the mundane.  This is the primary difference between the religious and the non-religious.

A colleague tells the story of a child looking up to her father, pointing to the heavens and asking, “Daddy what is up? Beyond the sky?”

“Ether, my child.”

At this the little one crinkled her nose and turned her attention to other things.

The task of an educator (and who is not an educator to a child?) is to enlarge her horizons, not to limit inquisitiveness or crush curiosity.

Make no mistake: Wonder is not the sole purview of children or tzaddikim.  It abides in each of us and must be allowed to swim in the endless ocean of life.  Stand by the shore of the sea or smell a fragrance, the rabbis tell us, and say a blessing.  Why?  Such an utterance allows us to give way to jaw-dropping inspiration.

Albert Einstein wrote that, “The supreme task [of scientists] is to arrive at those universal elementary laws from which the cosmos can be built up by pure deduction.  There is no logical path to these laws; only intuition, resting on sympathetic understanding of experience, can reach them…”

Sit back, gaze at the stars and feel awestruck.  You have not forgotten how to do that, have you?  No, it is like riding a bicycle.  Once you know, you always know.  What draws us away from feeling amazement are the pulls on our time that want to make us believe that they have something more important to tell us.  There is nothing more meaningful than being still, saying a single prayer with kavanah (meaning), hugging love and hanging on to them feeling your emotions overflow, tasting your food, not questioning helping another or being thankful for your eyesight.  That is why the ancient ones tells us that we must utter one hundred blessings each day.  In being aware of the multitude of miracles that surround us we become elevated.  And happier.  Much happier.

The Pathless Path

There is no answer.

There never has been a n answer.

There never will be an answer.

That’s the answer.  

~Gertrude Stein

 

Isn’t that wonderful?

A Thought....

 We live this life as if it matters.  And perhaps it does.  Everything our faith tells us about this physical universe is that our actions matter; they make a difference.  How we act, what we say, the piecing together of mitzvot or aveirot seem to indicate that, yes, we make a difference - whether we want to acknowledge the truth of that or steadfastly ignore it.  

And yet at the same time everything seems to be of so little consequence.  What truly makes a lasting difference?  Doesn't Proverbs tell us that all is "vanity"?  All that we see and do is nothing but self-deception, an ode to the self?  We are so over-occupied with telling ourselves that we 'count' when in actuality, what really counts in the final analysis?

And pain.  If everything matters, if this world is the sum of existence, then pain too matters. It is real, objective and meaningful.  We need to squirm when afflicted.  If, on the other hand, little matters in these scant years of life, then what difference does pain make?  It is as inconsequential as a flower bursting into light only to wilt tomorrow?  Pain and exuberance are ephemeral, so fleeting that their impact is negligible on our lives.

My sense is that we we do matter for a few reasons: What we do matters to our self-esteem.  How we behave rebounds on what we think of ourselves.  In turn, what we think of ourselves then has an impact on how we behave due to a positive or negative self-image.  I also sense that what we we do matters to our soul and to God.  We become muddied and confused by poor choices and elevated by good ones.  Yet, in the grand scheme these things do not make a whole lot of difference.  After all, if God and the soul is timeless, eternal, what difference do a a few heartbeats really make?

Perhaps then in the scope of eternal life we give ourselves too much credit.  Maybe the real essence of wisdom is to live life joyfully and well and good knowing that the best is yet to come.  This life does not even register as a filament on the canvass of life.  Pain and ecstasy may make us feel more alive but God is the only final and ultimate reality.

Much love to you wherever you are....

Bless God

 Once a devout Jew felt an intense desire to give a gift to God.  How can such a thing be done? how it is possible to give something to the Almighty?  Swaying over his prayer book he said, Ribbono shel Olam, "What can I give You?  What can I even wish for You?  Riches?  More possessions?  You have everything.  In fact, psalms says, "The earth belongs to the Lord and everything that is in it."  There is nothing you do not possess."

"I cannot wish You wisdom or power.  You are the definition of these things.  After all, don't we say, "There is nothing like the Lord (Ayn Kelohaynu)"?
Let me then wish you what I want for myself: I wish for You, Lord and Master, naches, joy, from Your children."

At each stage in a person's life new aspects of Torah are revealed.  We cannot achieve them all at once.  we receive them only when we are ready.  with an open mind we will find each discovery at the appropriate time.  the only constant in this lifelong process is the joy that accompanies the discovery.  Rebbe Nachman Likutay Moharan I, 22:9
This is the joy that gives God the greates delight.

How to Comfort the Bereft

 Some Thoughts on Attending to the Bereaved

 

It is not easy to deal with death.  Yet, it is a part of all our lives.  Knowing the correct thing to say or what to do can be the cause of a lot of stress.  It is helpful and empowering to know how to behave and what to do when confronted with this pain.  What follows are some random thoughts:

 

Do not leave the mourner alone for too long.  Facing death alone makes it doubly painful.

 

Words do not come without effort; they do not come gracefully.  Listening is often enough.  It is not easy to offer comfort.  Just be there.  Even “I am sorry for the loss,” works just fine.

 

Make sure there is a first meal, the Meal of Consolation after returning from the cemetery (this is the Jewish source for sending food to the mourners).  Traditionally, the first meal consists of hard-boiled-eggs or lentils (symbolizing the roundness of life) and food staples that will form a full meal.  Bring food that will be appreciated and needed by the family sitting shivah.   Flowers are not appropriate for a Jewish home.

 

Come to the minyans (services) at the Shivah house.  The comfort of having people attend services at the house is of incalculable value.  It says they are not alone.

 

Offer to serve as a pall-bearer.  It is a mitzvah that ought to be done by one’s family or community.  The general principle of Judaism is that we do things for one another and do not leave tasks to others.

 

If young children are involved an offer to help with them may be greatly appreciated.

 

General thoughts about being with mourners:

 

Silence is okay.  Do not feel like you have to force conversation.  Allowing for quiet moments will often provide space for the mourner to let you know what is on their mind.  Ask about the deceased.  Share what you know.  This is what the shivah is for.  It is generally a good idea to steer away from unrelated, trivial subjects unless directed by the mourner.  

 

Offer to help clean-up, take out garbage, drop off mail, pick up relatives, run errands…..

Word

 The Word

Words spoken at the wrong moment can have dramatic and long-lasting consequences.  The same is true for words that have not been thought-out, a spontaneous blurt.  Reflect for moment on the residual insults, slights, and wounds you bear.  More often than not, we are not victims of physical assaults but have all been verbally abused.

Long after the words were spoken, long after the person who said them forgot what he said, we still remember.  Those words keep us up at night.  They come to us in dark moments and cause us to cringe…often decades later.

The internet has hastened the verbal decline in the psychic abyss.  Words sent with abandon are read and re-read, each time extracting new unintended meanings.  Deler licebit quod non edideris; nescit vox missa revert.  “You can change what you did not write - but words written you can never retract,” wrote the Roman poet Horace.  I know people who hold onto excoriating notes written to them years later and grow angrier every time they read them.

Perhaps that is why Rashi identifies the aspect of man that was “made in the image of God” as the gift of speech.  When we speak we build or destroy; we heal or hurt.  Just as God cast the world into being with words so too we become creators with what we say.  Words are never meaningless or empty; they are filled and volatile vessels.

It is interesting that the Hebrew for “words” is the same as for “things” (devarim).  I suspect that the ancient ones knew that words are things.  Once spoken they become alive.  They embed themselves quickly into the minds of the listener and become part of their being.  Kabbalah goes so far as to tell us that letters and words the building blocks of the physical universe.  The letters themselves are like the foundation which undergirds everything.  Without their power the universe would collapse on itself.

In tefilah, prayer, one word can have a tremendous impact.  One single word uttered with focus and intention can elevate a moment or even a lifetime.  In life, a word of praise spoken at the right time can redeem a lifetime of regret and despair.  A wrong word can destroy a person and even ruin their family.

The power invested in humanity by God through the gift of speech is overwhelming.  We are charged to use it well – for the sake of building life and not tearing it down.   Be compassionate in word.

Paradise Found

 “We were expelled from Paradise but Paradise was not destroyed.  In a sense, our expulsion from Paradise was a stroke of luck for had we not been expelled Paradise would have had to be destroyed.”  Franz Kafka

 

The familiar story of Eden has many facets.  One of the most compelling aspects to the story is man’s expulsion from it.  From that moment humanity lies fully exposed to aging, disease, and hatred.  The evil unleashed when the Gates of Paradise were closed and locked after the departing Adam Eve has stayed with us.

Who has not yearned for a release from the darkness of this world?  Who has not wept at taking of the forbidden fruit?  All suffering comes from that choice.

Paradise was created before the world came into being pesachim 54a  after the world was cast into being, God then placed Paradise on earth.  But perfection was not meant for this world.  It could not stand in a place where humanity desired more than they needed.  It could not remain where “wants’ were a more powerful urge than sacrifice.  

There was only one choice before God: destroy Paradise or wipe out humanity who not coexist with perfection.  The Holy One accepted neither choice:  He moved Paradise to another place.

Said Rabbi Isaac, “This world is only the vestibule to another world; you must prepare yourself in the vestibule so that you may enter the banquet hall.”
~ Avot, 4, 21.

 

Prayer

 Now that the holy Days are over, some reflections on prayer.

Prayer takes many forms.  

There are those who ask for something, e.g., healing, prosperity, joy…  Some praise (G-d is beneficent, forgiving, loving…)  Others are gratitude (for breath, companionship, eyesight, clothes…). 

For many, prayer is disjoint and cumbersome.  It is difficult to gather thoughts in an organized fashion (I think this is what some people mean when they say they do not like “organized religion.”  They wait for inspiration when it comes, not getting it from formal prayer).  

Some experience moments of impoverishment and appeal to Something that will alleviate the anguish.  Or a moment might jar us to an inner sense of wondrous thankfulness.  Each is a time of deep reflection and prayer, but they tend to be sporadic.

What did you pray for on the Yamim Noraim, Days of Awe?  

I want to make two suggestions for those who are searching for a connection to prayer.  

Ø One is silence.

There is much noise in our surroundings and in our heads.  We are constantly barraged by our cell phones (I call my phone a dog leash.  When it rings it demands a response, no matter where I am or what I am doing), messages that chime at all times of the day and night, music and news that relentlessly blares, traffic, sounds of construction, and the noise of the mind of things left undone that does not let up.  

When was the last time you sat quietly with all devices turned off and away from all distractions?  Prayer comes in those silences.

Elie Wiesel tells Rebbe Mendel the Taciturn who sat, with eyes closed, face turned toward Jerusalem in a fiery sanctuary as he listened to the song of silence – “a celestial and yet tangible silence in which both voices and moments attain mortality.” 

Ø The other suggestion is practiced gratitude. 

It was one of the first lessons that our parents taught us: Say “please” and “thank you.”  We do not like people who do not express appreciation.  We call them in-grates.  Those who tell us how appreciative they are for the hello, the birthday message or present fills us with joy.

Reb Zusya was the ultimate teacher of knowing how to be grateful.

Whatever he had, Zusya gave away. There were always poor whose needs far outstripped his personal needs. There were times when Zusya did not even have enough to eat. That is why he said, "for those who say I have nothing, they are correct." Yet, at the same time Zusya also acknowledged that if someone were to ask what he needed, Zusya would tell him or her he had everything he required.

Zusya taught his acolytes through his actions.  He was deeply grateful for whatever he had and was happy to share whatever little he possessed with others who had less.

 

We are the richest civilization that ever lived.  We have so much that what we discard would be a cornucopia of delights to previous generations.  Yet, our faith reminds us that such things like food, clothes, air, or a roof over our heads, cannot be taken for granted.  In fact, the first prayers we utter each morning in our ritual services thanks the Almighty for each one of these and more.  Often the best segue into a modality of prayer is expressing thanks like saying thanks for food or expressing gratitude for being alive each morning.