On Coming into a Synagogue

On the Jewish Laws of head coverings:

Men: Nowhere in the Torah does the Law indicate that males must cover their heads.  Most likely, people living in the environs of such hot climes wore some kind of protection from the fierce heat of the sun.  Yet, a yarmulke or kippa is not indicated.  The word kippa simply mean ‘covering’.   Yarmulke, on the other hand, comes from an amalgamation of yareh Elokim, ‘fearing God’. 

One famed Talmudic rabbi, Nachman bar Yitzhak, would never venture forth without first covering his head out of “fear of the Lord.”  From that distant time it gradually evolved that wearing some kind of covering over one’s head showed appropriate reverence for God. 

Women: Unlike the custom with men, a woman covering her head has more ancient roots that began with married women wearing a covering over their hair to show both modesty and an identification that they were married (a ring was a later introduction).

How to enter the Synagogue:

When entering the doors of the shul, we are supposed to pause, gauge our new surroundings, and leave any baggage outside the doors.  One Hasidic Master said that when entering into a holy space, we should feel as if we area passing over a border into a new country.  That is why, perhaps, we are supposed to recite the Mah Tovu prayer to ourselves as we first come in.  The Mah Tovu was first uttered by an outsider names Balaam who was struck with the awesomeness of God.  In the same way, we imagine and galvanize ourselves to gaze at the face of the Almighty.

On choosing a seat:

It is a definite help to choose a place where you feel most comfortable.  Questions to be considered:  Can you see what you need to see?  Can you hear the Torah being read?  The prayer that are being recited?  Some like to be near the door, others proximate to the Bima.  Whatever the place might be, stay in the same general location whenever you return.  You may find that the space choose you.  Comfort and familiarity are important.

At the same time, it is good to be seated around people who are like-minded. There is nothing so distracting as sitting near talkers.  Find a place that feels and is right for you.

On putting on a Tallit (tallis):

A Hasidic Rebbe once said that the time a woodcutter spends sharpening his axe is as important as the time he spends cutting down the tree.

1. Make sure that the stings in the four corners (tzitzit) are intact).
2. Place the Tallit over the head and cover the face with the cloth.
3. Ask God to protect and envelope you with care.  “In Your light, may we see light,” is a traditional prayer.
4. Utter the berakha (blessing) in the prayer book, page 2.
5. Drape around shoulders.

On Becoming Literate

People ask what constitutes a good Jewish library.  “What books should I have on my shelf?” This column is devoted to suggesting a few books that are appropriate for every Jewish home. I have sorted them out into different categories.  This list is by no means complete. It is a starting point.

                  

Prayer.  There are two aspects to prayer.  The first is prayer itself.  Every Jewish home needs to have a siddur.    There are almost as many variant editions of prayer books as there are Jews.  The best kind of siddur focuses on understanding the prayers, not necessarily on creative readings.  To that end, I highly recommend Or Hadash, the new Conservative companion to the prayer book.  While they have a severe traditional bent to them, they contain graceful kernels of wisdom at the bottom of almost every page.  That alone makes the purchase well worth the investment.   Make sure that you choose an edition that has the right-sized print for you.

The second aspect to prayer is about prayer.  Jewish Meditation by Aryeh Kaplan speaks to developing the inner path to approaching real, meaningful prayer.  It is excellent.  The book offers genuine insight into how to connect deep prayer with God.  To obtain information about what the prayers mean I recommend, How To Pray as a Jew by Hayim Halevy Donin.  From how to dress to when to bow this book is an invaluable  resource.  For inspiration, virtually any book by Rabbi Kerry Olitsky or Rabbi Abraham Twersky will prove its worth on your shelf.  Personally, I am a fan of the many short inspirational works by Rabbi Nachman.

Literature.  Take a look at Joseph Telushkin’s, Jewish Literacy for an overview of some of the finest concepts that our rich heritage affords.  This book will open windows to a plethora of stores of knowledge.

Law.   To Be a Jew by Rabbi Hayim Halevy Donin provides the reader with a far-reaching guide to religious practice, including Holy Days.   A less thorough but inspiring volume is Jonathan  Wittenberg’s The Eternal Journey.

Torah.  Every home needs a Bible.  By far, the best translation available is the Jewish Publication Society version.  While this volume (The Torah –just the first five books- or The Tanakh- the whole Bible) are most accurate English versions, they contain no commentary, no explanations.  Just the Text.

Take a look at Etz Hayim for a brand new commentary on the Humash (Five Books of Moses) for the Conservative movement.  The Text is clear, the translation accurate but the commentary is not grand.  Two alternative editions are the Reform movement’s The Torah and the Artscroll Orthodox edition.  In the first instance, the Reform edition is insightful and well-written.  In the second book, there is a wonderful and oft-inspiring commentary on the bottom.

Talmud. A new book, both fun and eye-opening, is Swimming in the Sea of Talmud by Katz and Schwartz.  This recent arrival takes the reader into specific Talmud excerpts and runs through their meaning.  I also wholeheartedly recommend Adin Steinsaltz’s reference volume of the Talmud.  It provides a broad overview of what the Talmud is.  If you want to peer into the Talmud, the most readable volume is the one called Berachot.

History.   By far the most readable and complete (by no means comprehensive) book on Jewish history is Chaim Potok’s Wanderings.  A slightly more involved volume comes to us from Solomon Grayzel, A History of the Jews.  Both are available in paperback.

Holocaust.   Perhaps the best overview to the most powerful event of our time was written by Lucy Dawidowicz, The War Against the Jews.  Of course, the ever-powerful statement by Elie Wiesel is Night is a must.

Israel.   Besides the ever-moving tale in Exodus by Leon Uris, there are few other books which do a good job of spanning the whole history of the modern Jewish state.

And, of course, Rabbi Alfred Kolatch’s Jewish Book of Whys is a splendid and simple synopsis of what most Jews need to know.

While this list is far from complete, it is a good beginning at opening new vistas of personal learning and growth.  As Hillel remarked thousands of years ago, “Go and learn.”

Do Not Pass Over

Frustration takes no effort. It comes easily. People do not have to be taught to be impatient, angry, or bitter. It happens moment-to-moment at stop lights. On the other hand, forbearance does take effort. Kindness often requires restraint and understanding.

Think of all the evil perpetuated throughout history. The last century has seen unprecedented murder. The lesson? Intolerance and evil comes naturally to us.

Pesah has many lessons to teach and one of them is the positive transmittal of love, dedication, and connection to things larger and more expansive than ourselves.

How many times is the idea repeated during these holy days that we have an obligation to reformat the way that we treat one another? From the most basic element that we were once slaves and therefore must have compassion to the underling to the tale of the four children we reemphasize the notion that we are the holders of a great truth that MUST not be forgotten or else we are truly lost. What is that truth?

Radio personality Earl Nightingale once told the story of an angry father yelling at his 12-year old son, “Why don’t you grow up??!”

Struggling to control his tears the boy replied between sobs, “That’s what I’m trying to do!”

One of the biggest tasks assigned to us a Jews is not to destroy. And what greater acts of destruction is there than the destruction of potential? In a moment of frustration which flares into anger we can undo years of good will. A word uttered in anger can lay waste to a career; it can cause a marital rift; it can make a breach in a family that is not repairable.

The power of Passover is seen when the basic cell of humanity, families, come together and look past all the wounds and hurts they have sustained. It is also when we are commanded to invite the stranger into our homes to partake of the Pesah celebration. Their status and education are irrelevant as we were all slaves. It was not just the intelligentsia or rich that was targeted for enslavement or murder. We are “one” on this night. In other words, we expand our small circle of blood relations to encompass a broader love.

Rabban Gamliel instructs us to “feel as if we were redeemed personally:” Why is feeling redeemed so vital? When we were freed we rejoiced. We fell into the arms of one another and wept- whether in the DP camps of Europe or declared independent in 1948 or crossing the Sea of Reeds towards freedom we ignored our differences and swept away ire and disappointments.

Now what if this kind of feeling would be present all our days? Surely, the Messiah would enter when we open our doors at the seder.

Some Thoughts on Attending to the Bereaved

It is not easy to deal with death.  Yet, it is a part of all our lives.  Knowing the correct thing to say or what to do can be the cause of a lot of stress.  It is helpful and empowering to know how to behave and what to do when confronted with this pain.  What follows are some random thoughts:

Do not leave the mourner alone for too long.  Facing death alone makes it doubly painful.

Words do not come without effort; they do not come gracefully.  Listening is often enough.  It is not easy to offer comfort.  Just be there.  Even “I am sorry for the loss,” works just fine.

Make sure there is a first meal, the Meal of Consolation after returning from the cemetery (this is the Jewish source for sending food to the mourners).  Traditionally, the first meal consists of hard-boiled-eggs or lentils (symbolizing the roundness of life) and food staples that will form a full meal.  Bring food that will be appreciated and needed by the family sitting shivah.   Flowers are not appropriate for a Jewish home.

Come to the minyans (services) at the Shivah house.  The comfort of having people attend services at the house is of incalculable value.  It says they are not alone.

Offer to serve as a pall-bearer.  It is a mitzvah that ought to be done by one’s family or community.  The general principle of Judaism is that we do things for one another and do not leave tasks to others.

If young children are involved an offer to help with them may be greatly appreciated.

General thoughts about being with mourners:

Silence is okay.  Do not feel like you have to force conversation.  Allowing for quiet moments will often provide space for the mourner to let you know what is on their mind.  Ask about the deceased.  Share what you know.  This is what the shivah is for.  It is generally a good idea to steer away from unrelated, trivial subjects unless directed by the mourner. 

Offer to help clean-up, take out garbage, drop off mail, pick up relatives, run errands…..

Earnest Questions, Honest Answers

A student contacted me about gaining information about Judaism from a local rabbi for a college course she was taking.  She interviewed me and asked some well-thought questions.  She came equipped with many queries about the practices of Judaism.  I share the first few below:

1.  How has religion shaped your life?

 Judaism has influenced my life in more ways than I can enumerate.  It is the filter through which I see and hear all things.  I continually ask myself in every situation, ‘Is this what Judaism demands?’  ‘Is this what God wants?’   When I see a young man playing a guitar on the sidewalk with his guitar case open, I ask myself, what does my tradition demand of me?  Or, when I am insulted by unkind words or am the object of slander, what does the Torah tell me to do?  How do I react?  As the Jewish faith has an opinion and instruction about every facet of life it always be asked, 'what is the Jewish approach to this issue?' 

As both Judaism and God care intimately about how we interact with one another and the world there is nothing that is removed from the gaze of Tradition.  We matter.  Other people matter.  The welfare of the world matters.  For all these reasons we must act in accord with Torah.

2.  What are the challenges, if any, to practicing this particular religion?

Judaism is a demanding religion.  It is not simply for the synagogue or religious events.  It is breathing, eating, talking, walking, business....all.   If there is an Omniscient, caring God He does not only pay attention to us when we pray.  The eye of the Holy One is always peering at us and wants us to make the correct choices.  Ever since the exile from the Garden of Eden we have been burdened with the responsibility of making choices.

It is not always comfortable to be doing the right thing....especially when society is going in the opposite direction.   Yet, Judaism teaches through the many examples of the prophets that we are often called upon to make a moral stand.  We are supposed to speak for those who have no voice or for those who have lost the power of their voice.  We are charged to speak, sometimes yell, on their behalf. 

And then there is bias, hatred, antisemitism....  That is an ever-present challenge.  Still, hatred must never stand in the way of doing the right thing.

3.What are the important holidays and traditions of this religion?

 This is a very long answer.  There are many holy days that dot the year.  Look at a Hebrew calendar and there are major holy days, minor remembrances and small festivals that have through time blossomed into large, meaningful events.

Perhaps the most important of all the holy days is the most frequent one: the Sabbath.  It is God's day when He stopped the Creation process.  It is our day when we reconnect with the Maker and the universe.  Of course, Tabernacles (Sukkot), Pentacost (Shavuot) and Passover (Pesah) are also highly important.   Each of them contain elements of historical events (the passage through the Sinai wilderness, the anniversary of the Receiving of the Torah and Liberation from slavery) as well a natural events (fall harvest, spring harvest and planting season) in addition to holy time of connection between the Jewish people and God.  Then, in a separate category, comes the High Holy Days of Rosh Hashannah and Yom Kippur.  Each one is unique with its many symbols of foods, shofar, study, and prayer and vital to the lifeblood of Judaism.

4. What Bible do the Jews use? Does it go by another name?

Our Bible is the same as your Old Testament.  While the order may vary slightly it is the same text.  We have other names for it in Hebrew but we call it Bible in English.

In our understanding we divide the Bible up into three sections.  They are the Torah, the Prophets (Neviim in Hebrew) and the Writings (Ketuvim).  If you take the first consonant from each of the three Hebrew words you have the Hebrew word for the Bible, Tanakh.

5. What is the Torah? How many books does it have?

Torah is the Hebrew word for Pentateuch (penta as in pentagram, pentagon, five).  Torah is the 5 books of Moses, or the first five books of the Bible.  The word Torah means Law or Instruction.

Often times, the word Torah is used to convey the idea of a God-given message.  For this reason Jewish people might say “This is Torah” when they are referring a Law.

On G-d

Judaism does not prohibit the writing of God’s name.  If it did our siddurim would not contain the Name.  What Judaism demands is that we treat the name of God with respect as it is holy.  That is why works containing the name of God are not brought into profane places, such as a toilet.

Anything containing the precious name of God must be accorded respect.  We do not place it on the ground or under a pile.  If the object containing God’s name becomes unusable we consign to it a genizah, repository for holy items that are no longer functional, for eventual burial.

Now the question of what is God’s name is more complex.  There are many names for God.  Every name we use for God has a different connotation to it.  Some are used to accentuate God’s mercy, others His kingship, some celebrate glory while others peace. Each of these principal names comes from Torah.  That is, they have their origins in the Hebrew Bible.  Religious folks take the idea of not employing God’s names to a further extent of not even saying them outside of prayer.  Yet, no religious Jew would shrink from saying “God” in their daily conversations.  For both these reasons the name “God” is not one of the holy names of God that must be written with a hyphen.

Yet (there is always is a yet, isn’t there?) one can argue that by hyphenating the name of “G-d” it teaches the underlying lesson of being vigilant in respecting the Holy One.

In all events, writing the Hebrew name of God applies only to things that endure.  So, for example, if you were to write God’s name in sand it would not be permanent or enduring.   There would be no wrongdoing by anyone’s account.  In this regard, technology is similar to sand.  There are many times when you will see “on line” the name of God written in its Hebrew, Torah form.  As this has no permanence, it does not exist in any physical form and according to all authorities may be both written and taken “off line.”

New Thoughts on Purim: Light vs. Dark

The Sitra Ahra, or Dark Side as it is referred to popularly, is present at all times.  It particularly loves opportunities of mazel.  Mazel?  Yes, you see whenever the Sitra Ahra gets wind of someone’s good fortune it whispers in their ear all kinds of noxious thoughts….like “They’ll take it away from you”….or  “Why are they being nice to me?  What they want?”….or “God likes me -- but not them.”  Not happy with our lot, afraid that others might steal it away, we listen to the quiet voice of the Sitra Ahra.

Now this is one of the main hidden elements of the Purim tale.  Think of the primary villain of the megillah.  Haman’s name itself conjures up many associations.  For example, Haman connotes “the manna” (man in Hebrew is manna).  Haman appeared to Shushanites as the one who would feed the people.  And precisely what did Haman feed them?  Insecurity and doubt.  Haman stealthily fed enough poison so that the subjects would believe their existence was threatened by a “certain people” almost invisible, yet lurking in the dark shadows.  What Haman purported to deliver through the veil of darkness was a sustenance that would uncloak the messenger of destruction.

If Haman is the symbol of the Sitra Ahra then who are the heroes of the story? Esther and Mordecai?  Of these two figures Mordecai is the easier.  He is the voice of God.  Mordecai speaks the language of truth.  His words are uncomfortable.  They are unsettling.  Mordecai tells all who will hear him what they must do to unmask the lie.  The words cause such discomfort that no one wants to heed him.  Wasn’t this the reality of the pre-Holocaust Germany?  The lie was more comfortable, more acceptable than the truth which demanded self-reflection and personal responsibility. 

In fact, found inside Mordecai’s name is the Hebrew root, m’red, meaning rebellion.  An interesting inversion of reality: Haman is the provider and Mordecai is the inciter, the trouble-maker.  The lie has become truth and truth has become the lie.

Then comes Esther.  The root of Esther’s name is ‘secret’.  That is, Esther is hidden from sight. True, she hides her faith from the king but that is not the core of the narrative.  What reaches out from the megillah is the fact that Esther is hidden from Esther.  Remember, Esther is not even her real name: it is Hadassah.  Esther has forgotten who she is/was.  The turning point of the story is when Mordecai forces Esther to look sharply into the mirror of her soul and she perceives her Self there.  She has become so convinced of the force of the Sitra Ahra that she has accepted the lie as reality.

Images of light and dark pervade the extraordinary and simplistic tale of Purim.  Yet, the tale is as vital as the primal force of life.  Listen for the voice but do not heed it.

Truth in Torah

There are many Torah passages which could raise eyebrows well into the nether regions of the forehead.  Among them are the age of the universe versus our almost six thousand year calculation, manna feeding at least 1 1/2 million freed slaves for forty years, burning bushes and parted seas to name a few.

The question of reliability actually runs yet deeper:  If the Torah cannot be read at face value, if we cannot trust it to tell the truth all the time, how can we depend on it for truth any time?

No one who studies Torah with any degree of seriousness will fail to notice these and other incongruities.  In fact, it is probably the most frequent question asked of rabbis today.  What do I tell people?  Even more, how can anyone, including a rabbi, have faith with such unbelievable tales and inconsistencies?

I am fond of telling an story of a grandfather who greets his little one at the door. 

“So how was Hebrew School today, Yacov?”

“Oh great!  We learned about how General Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt.  Cornered by the Egyptians with their troops, General Moses fired bazookas and strafed the advancing army while the Israeli navy placed pontoons across the Sea.  The people narrowly escaped!”
“Oy,” said the grandfather. “Is this what they taught you??”

“Grandpa, if I told you what they said, you’d never believe it.”

On a primary level, the Torah is filled with stories.  The tales we tell are human, full of adventure, achievements, falls, and recoveries.  They are great stories that we know well and retell through generations.  Think of Adam and Eve.  They tell the story of reward and punishment; listening to God and the penalty of disobedience.  Think of Noah, the savior of a world.  What about Abraham, the one who discovered and was discovered by God?  The narrative then follows Abraham through his trials and triumphs.  This is story-telling at its finest.  These are well worn tales that have traveled the world many times over, through millennia.

On a secondary level, each story contains kernels of knowledge and philosophy that we often miss (because we stop in step 1).  For example, the depiction of Adam and Eve serves the purpose of telling us we are free.  God rewards and punishes but the real lesson is about personal control and responsibility.  And Noah?  It is all about choosing your destiny regardless of what the outside world does and thinks.  Consider that Noah’s righteousness was singular in a world gone bad.

On a tertiary level, we are guided by the Zohar which states, “If the Torah were mere tales I could tell better stories myself.”  We learn through metaphor.  In Eden, we understand the trappings of Paradise.  We are not meant for utopia.  Our lives are only validated through struggle.  We are Adam and Eve.  We choose banishment because there lays our greatest hope.  Abraham is the paragon of self-discovery.  We must pass through walls of flames, become scarred before we can contemplate wholeness.  We must travel far in our youth to eventually find what is most close, so close that it cannot be seen; only felt.

Is there more?  Yes, there is always more.  That is why it continues to feed our souls after all this time.

The Gift of Giving, Purim

Once there was a lonely woman.  She went to class by herself.  She did homework alone.  No one wanted anything to do with her.  There was a good reason for it; she was not a nice person.

Feeling isolated, she went to a rabbi seeking advice.  A far as she was concerned she was fine.  Life was treating unfairly (people tend not be able to see personal flaws).  While sitting with the rabbi her personality shone through and he saw the young woman for what she was, selfish and self-centered.

“What should I do?” she wept as she told of her isolation.

The rabbi listened compassionately, waited and then said, “Here is what I want you to do.  Go to the school cafeteria as you usually do at lunch but I want you to look for people to help with their trays, paying for what they cannot, getting them salt, a seat, whatever.”

The young woman went away relieved that she had a specific task to do.  It enabled her to focus on something and slowly, as she performed these helpful duties, she began to see herself differently, and, as a result, others began to view her differently too.

Many programs like Dr. Phil or lots of self-help books emphasize what is wrong with our lives and how to fiddle with it.  They tell us to enroll in step programs or take certain classes which will change our behavior.

The Jewish approach tells us that what we do influences the way we think and behave. That is why we place such a heavy emphasis on mitzvot and tend to minimize creeds or statements of faith.

Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel wrote, “God is more immediately found in the Bible as well as in acts of kindness and worship than in the mountains and forests. It is more meaningful for us to believe in the immanence of God in deeds than in the immanence of God in nature.”

Heschel teaches us that our actions, mitzvot, as a response to the call of God.  That, in addition to the fact that when we act we change our character, are strong reasons to follow the mitzvot our faith places before us.

Soon it will be Purim.  There are several mitzvot for this holiday.  We give tzedaka, send mishloah manot- gifts of food to friends and family, listen to the Megillah and join in Synagogue festivities.  On Shabbat we bless our children, bless our spouse, light candles, and make Kiddush.  Pesah follows with its own actions/mitzvot.  Each time we act with God, travel the path of our ancestors we alter some powerful part of our self.

A Jew is asked to take a leap of action rather than a leap of thought- -Abraham Joshua Heschel

Never Walk Alone

“Down to Gehenna or up to the throne,

He travels the fastest who travels alone,” penned Rudyard Kipling.

Kipling was correct, wasn’t he?  When we jettison the burden of carrying others we proceed much more quickly.  People slow us down.  They cut into doing things that take us away from our goal.  They stand in the way of progress.  The best minds of the past were those who segregated themselves from others to work in solitude.

Michelangelo never married.   Think of Van Gogh and his separate life.  Alfred Nobel lived and worked alone.  While married and a mother, Golda Meir was most wedded to her country, Israel.  Leo Szlizard, true father of the atomic bomb, consulted other theoreticians and physicists but he traveled his path almost entirely by himself.  And Alexander the Great was not a stay-at-home dad.  Such undistracted dedication gave rise to their genius and creativity. 

Torah takes a different view.  It tells us several contradicting things at once.  We are supposed to pursue a top rate, life-long Jewish education.  We are commanded by the sages to pursue a profession until we achieve excellence.  Our faith demands marriage and expects children.  At the same time, we are told to care of our parents.  Holidays must be observed.  Our spouse requires time, energy, and attentiveness.  Tzedaka must be dispensed, prayers recited….

How can one possibly achieve excellence with all these distractions?

Contrast what Kipling wrote with commentator, Philip K. Howard:  “Smart people spend time alone.  They don’t fill their days with appointments from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m., as many politicians and executives do.  Great science does not emerge from hard logic and grinding hours.  It comes from the mysterious resources of the human brain and soul.  Inspiration is nurtured by activities like chopping wood and raking leaves, preparing dinner and reading to the kids.  The activities soften the rigid pace of the day’s pursuits and allow all our God-given intuition to work its unlogical magic.  Only then can we reach our fullest potential.  Only then can we leap from thinking to understanding.”

What our tradition seeks is balance.  The secret of life does not lie in obsessive behavior, it resides the rainbow-colored spectrum we call life.  Real beauty emerges from the full brush stroke from a palette of diversity.  Let’s face it: black and white movies are a novelty but color is so much more vibrant.  It is the same with life.

The joys of existence emerge from playing with one another.  Isn’t that what Pesah is all about?  We tell stories, sing songs, chant, eat, regale with tales from the past, set sumptuous tables, encourage children to participate, open doors, and bless one another.  Life lived alone, apart, is not a full life.

Once, a boy was walking in the street holding a beautiful apple.  An elderly man remarked, “That looks like a scrumptious apple.”

The boy replied, “It certainly does and I intend to eat it!”

The man asked, “Tell me. How could you enjoy twice as much pleasure out of this apple?” 

“That’s simple,” said the boy.  “Give me another apple and then it will be double.”

The man said, “You are mistaken.  Cut it in half and give half away.  Then you will discover the additional pleasure that comes from your friend eating the other half of the apple together with you.”

What is the moral of all this?  It is not about “you”; it is about “us”.