Up to You

 Consider:

Every person, all the events of you life, are
there because you have drawn them there.
What you choose to do with them is up to you.

Richard Bach

A Concerned Life

Long ago Baba ben Butti would visit the Holy Temple in Jerusalem every day.  He'd bring with him sacrifice to be offered on the altar.  

Baba knew that his life was filled with doubts and so many opportunities to unintentionally offend his fellow.  In his heart he wanted nothing more than to cause no hurt so he brought this atonement "just in case."  Perhaps, he thought, I accidentally ignored someone and they were deeply offended.  Maybe my prayers were done imperfectly, without real intention.

The kohanim, priests, to whom he brought the animals, told Baba ben Butti that his sacrifice was not welcome the day after Yom Kippur as Baba emerged from the Day of Atonement cleansed of sin.

Consider the life that acknowledges the pain we can bring unwittingly.  How much kinder would the world be!

Old Age

 "Crabby Old Woman" By: Phyllis McCormack 

What do you see, nurse, what do you see? What are you thinking, when you look at me A crabby old woman, not very wise, Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes, Who dribbles her food and makes no reply When you say in a loud voice, I do wish you'd try. Who seems not to notice the things that you do And forever is losing a stocking or shoe. Who, unresisting or not; lets you do as you will With bathing and feeding the long day is fill. Is that what you're thinking, Is that what you see? Then open your eyes, nurse, you're looking at me. I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still! As I rise at your bidding, as I eat at your will. I'm a small child of 10 with a father and mother, Brothers and sisters, who loved one another. A young girl of 16 with wings on her feet, Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet, A bride soon at 20 - my heart gives a leap, Recalling the vows that I promised to keep. At 25 now I have young of my own Who need me to build a secure happy home; A woman of 30, my young now grow fast, Bound to each other with ties that should last; At 40, my young sons have grown and are gone, But my man is beside me to see I don't mourn; At 50 once more babies play around my knee, Again we know children, my loved one and me. Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead, I look at the future, I shudder with dread, For my young are all rearing young ones of their own. And I think of the years and the love that I've known; I'm an old woman now and nature is cruel. Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool. The body is crumbled, grace and vigor depart, There is now a stone where I once had a heart, But inside this old carcass, a young girl still dwells, And now and again my battered heart swells, I remember the joy, I remember the pain, And I'm loving and living life over again. I think of the years all too few- gone too fast. And accept the stark fact that nothing can lastSo open your eyes, nurse, open and see, Not a crabbiy old woman, look closer See Me. 

A Nurse's reply "To the 'Crabbiy Old Woman" What do we see, you ask, what do we see? Yes, we are thinking when looking at thee! We may seem to be hard when we hurry and fuss, But there's many of you, and too few of us. We would like far more time to sit by you and talk, To bath you and feed you and help you to walk. To hear of your lives and the things you have done; Your childhood, your husband, your daughter, your son. But time is against us, there's too much to do - Patients too many, and nurses too few. We grieve when we see you so sad and alone, With nobody near you, no friends of your own. We feel all your pain, and know of your fear That nobody cares now your end is so near. But nurses are people with feelings as well, And when we're together you'll often hear tell Of the dearest old Gran in the very end bed, And the lovely old Dad, and the things that he said, We speak with compassion and love, and feel sad When we think of your lives and the joy that you've had, When the time has arrived for you to depart, You leave us behind with an ache in our heart. When you sleep the long sleep, no more worry or care, There are other old people, and we must be there. So please understand if we hurry and fuss - There are many of you, And so few of us.  

Witholding

 "By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach." -Winston Churchill

Think once, then twice.  Only then speak.

Speaking to God

"Do you know who can protest against His

decree and say to Him, ‘Why do you do such a thing?’‛ 

He who observes the commandments’‛  -Numbers Rabbah 14:6.

In a sacred relationship, we can ask questions forbidden to those who stand outside.

Yizkor

 Yizkor means “May He remember.”

G-d will always consider us.  What we ask for is not so much that G-d remember their lives but that the memory of those we loved will not be forgotten by us.

Another name for yizkor is hazkarat neshamot, recalling souls.

We recite Yizkor because we refuse to forget.  But what we recall is a choice.  We can opt to focus on their many talents and triumphs, or their deficits and defeats.  I hope that we will choose to elevate their memory and ask that they find their way into the Olam shel Emet, the universe where forgiveness reigns and the struggles of mortality are lifted. 

 

Perhaps they will even hear our prayers and be comforted that we have neither forgotten nor neglected them.

 

In reciting Yizkor we are starkly confronted with our own brief lifespan.  As we remember them, we pray that we too will be recalled with fondness.

 

We now stand at the threshold of a New Year and fervently pray that we find the blessings in our past and emerge into 5786 to become a blessing to ourselves, others and those who come after us.

 

L’Shanah Tovah Tikateyvu

Prayer for Healing

 Ana, HaShem, Please G-d, You are the Healer of all flesh.  Look upon me and have pity.  Support me in Your great love for I need You.  Send healing to me and to all Your children who suffer.  Heal my pain and renew me as in the past.  Grant wisdom to the physicians that attend me so that they may bring to me healing, swiftly.  

Hear my prayer, prolong my life and allow me to live out my years in joy so that I may be better able to serve You and keep Your word with a perfect heart.

Grant me understanding to see how this time of trial can bring me to a place of discernment and more meaningful life. Do not reject You servant, I pray.  

Hear my prayer.