There are many things that we share in common that could unite humanity. There are far more similarities than differences. In fact, we have to work hard to find differences. Often prejudice arises out of that search to define how we differ. In one sense when we proudly state that we are from South Carolina and people from other places, say New Hampshire, have habits and attitudes that are grossly different we are engaged in that process of differentiation which is a mild form of prejudice. On a more obvious scale, when we declare that Americans are better than the French, men are superior to women, Europeans are nicer than Africans or Christians are better than Buddhists, Jews are better than Muslims…
It takes consideration and serious thought to develop these specialized prejudices and often we do them at convenient times (football games) and unacceptable times like the Holocaust. The salient point is that we are more alike than different and when we take time to point out differences between people we are putting energy, work, into trying to define someone, a political party, a religion or nationality. It takes little or no effort to try to find how we are similar. One of the many ways in which we are much alike is our woundedness.
We are all broken. Some suffer from disease, some from addiction. Others bear the scars of physical or mental abuse. All are wounded by ignorance, indifference and the spoken word. That is the great commonality that humanity shares - we have all been hurt.
What do we do with our scars?
1. Forgive yourself. When you have been on the “giving end” apologize and then issue a formal apology and follow with an acceptance of that apology to self. To continually carry that suffering we have caused others is to be burdened by a weight that will affect our future relationships and impede our progress to growth.
2. Forgive those who have harmed you. Some will apologize, others will not. For your sake, not theirs, let it go. It does them no harm for you to carry this grudge. You are only harming yourself.
3. Ask G-d. Tell G-d what you need and ask to be relieved of those past shortcomings, wrongdoings. Find a quiet place where you can speak openly and freely. Many like to find themselves alone in the Sanctuary to open their hearts. Any place will do. Just make it real and speak from your heart.
4. Learn. Camus wrote, “In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” Remember that scars are stronger than the original skin they have healed. You are stronger than you think.
Viktor Frankl experienced the worst side of humanity’s brutality. Here is what he learned:
“But pain is a great teacher. Just as physical pain can mobilize our defenses and alert us to deeper problems, so can emotional pain. It has the function of awakening us to the realization that there is something wrong in our lives, something that needs attention. If we ignore inner pain, it will surely grow out of control.”
Allow the lessons of pain to make you a better person, more apt to really listen to the broken hearts around you, be empathetic just as you would want for your self.
5. Embrace your gifts. You are not an accident. The life you were born into is not incidental. The faith you were born into yields fine fruits but they must be plucked, learned and practiced. It is not too late: in fact it is right on time.
6. Accept that you and everyone is imperfect. Or as Joe Torre phrased it, “How to catch a knuckleball: ‘Wait ‘til it stops rolling, then pick it up’.” When life throws at you the unexpected, wait. The ball will eventfully stop rolling. Or as Solomon the Wise put it, “This too shall pass.”
Pain has its purpose and should never be used as a tool against others. Instead, it presents itself as a grand opportunity for growth and change.
