It’s all about healing, becoming whole.
We are all pulled and pushed in countless directions. No one is immune from the internal and external demands. Good people give us sage advice, some of it is contradictory. What do we do then? We misstep. We misspeak. We allow anger to become our voice. It is hard to make good decisions and to do so with consistency. That is why we need one day to fix the broken parts of our self.
Yom Kippur, the Day of Atoning, is not about being perfect but coming to terms with who we are and making it possible for us to like ourselves more than we do. Much sadness exists n the world because people are unhappy with themselves. There is an old Talmudic saying that when we misstep (sin, in their words) we feel bad. What happens next? We sin again because we know that is what we have become, a sinful, bad person.
“He’s the best physician that knows the worthlessness of most medicines,” wrote Benjamin Franklin. A painkiller will not relive guilt. That which heals is attending to and mending our broken inner parts. That does not necessarily mean becoming impeccable in behavior and speech (although we should always strive toward that end) but accepting the brokenness of ourselves and of others. Forgiveness is antidote to most pain.
Holding on to grudges degrades our lives. It invades our sleep with nightmares that leave us panting for breath when we wake. The same is true of holding grudges against ourselves. We can be most unforgiving with our sins, perhaps even thinking we deserve the bad things that happen to us.
Yom Kippur is the day of reckoning, honesty, facing who we are and letting go of the dross that weighs us down and makes our lives less meaningful.
If you peer at the prayers closely and personally you will feel that the day is punishing. It is hard to to fast. It is difficult to remind ourselves that we are xenophobic. Or that we have hate in our hearts towards certain people. Or that we are sitting next to people that are at least as guilty as we are! But God wants us to break our hearts open one day in the hope that we can find healing in the forgiveness that comes in its wake.
Can you forgive someone who hurt you? Can you forgive yourself for being unkind? Untruthful? Abusive?
What comes after we have beat our breast? Acknowledge our pain and tell God, “Yes I am sinful but I cannot carry this burden any longer. Heal me. Lift the load form my back.”
Hasidic master, Israel of Kozhenitz, prayed, “Master of the Universe I know that the Children of Israel are suffering too much;
They deserve redemption, they need it.
But if, for reasons unknown to me,
You are not willing, no yet, then redeem the other nations, but do it soon!”
I want you to pray for your own healing this Yom Kippur. Pray for the Jewish people here. In Europe. Israel. Stretch out your heart to the bleeding souls that have no one to comfort them.
I want you to pray for those around you who are afflicted with disease. They are in the next row. And the one after that. Then open your heart to your soul in need of healing. Pray for yourself. You know what you need. Ask for it. Then real healing starts to happen. And, then push the boundary further; let go of the bitterness that keeps you awake at night. Release the anger that visits you every day, each time you see their face, every moment when you miss their presence.
Then the meaning and depth of Yom Kippur carries its transformative power: we are renewed.
