Age Well

People are living longer. Baby Boomers are reaching ages far beyond from what used to be retirement. The population of elderly is exploding as the government scurries to find solutions to Social Security, Medicare and those still affected by the 2008 stock debacle.

In the play, “I'm not Rappaport,” the protagonist establishes his office on a park bench in Central Park. His daughter, dissatisfied with her father's activities, tells him to either move in with her in Great Neck, enter a nursing home, or continue to live in Manhattan but attend a senior citizen center on the West Side. To this Rappaport replies, “So my choices are either, exile, Devils Island, or kindergarten.”

It takes no great stretch of imagination to lament the pains of being old. Out of deference to the elderly, the Torah exhorts us, “In the presence of your elders, stand.” Being old may once have been considered a comfort and blessing, but no more.

Patsy Neal, education teacher, tells the story of her grandmother who is placed in an old age home. 89 years old and confined to a tiny room she became dependent on a walker when gradually her legs begin to give away. Grandma learned to attach a bag from her walker, which remained close by all times. In it with the vestiges of her old days. Disconnected fragments of a life that was taken away. In that small pouch for the final artifacts retained from my lifelong accumulation of courts. There was once a comfortable lounger, expensive delicate China, and a safe comfortable environment. But the furnishings of her home were sold or given away as she no longer needed them where she lived in the nursing home. The car was given away when her vision began to fail.  And now there’s grandma lived in a nursing home the final bits of her life or thrown into the small bag which never left her walker. A few odds and ends were her sole possessions, an alarm clock, a small radio, assorted needles, some thread, pieces of sewing…

With sudden clarity her daughter, Patsy Neal, cried as she realized that her grandmother was a bag.

Aging is a biological and situational fact. It is also a function of attitude. There are times when we are guilty of making our parents invalids.  Rappaport was right.

Consider Jonas Salk who first developed the polio vaccine and later on this life worked to find a cure for AIDS.  Nolan Ryan, who retired as a major-league pitcher to pitch to children on Sunday afternoons. And who led the Maccabean revolt against the Syrians but the elderly man, Mattathias? In our communities the remembers in their 70s and 80s and even 90s who are younger than some teenagers I have met.

Dr. Wilder Penfied, A Canadian neurologist, wrote, “Disease and disability makeover take man at every age and force them to withdraw from work. But the capacity of the human brain for certain purposes often increases through the years… At 60 the body has passed beyond its greatest strength and physical demands should be lessened and changed. But the brink quite often is ready for the best performance…”

The lessons of the Salks, Neals, Ryans and even the Maccabees is clear: Give me a chance.

Job Description

What do I do? I am the mashgiach for the kitchen, supervising the kashrut of the synagogue ensuring that it does not become tainted. I am official paginater, announcing Sequitur and non sequitur pages to the congregation during worship. Solemnly, I attend to the role of periodically rising to inform the community of the page we are now on.  I am a sermon maker. The first thing that any community wants to know of it’s rabbi is, ‘Does she speak well?”  Most members want to hear good stories and uplifting morals when I go to synagogue. I counsel the grieving and bury the dead. When those who are called to the Next Universe I comfort the bereft while escorting the dead to the next appointment.  

I scribe the Hebrew on tombstones and officiate at unveilings.  I am called to the bedside the dying alongside the newly birthing mothers.  I guide both parents through the process of naming and bris.  I hold the hands of those whose marriage s are dying and take them through the process of getting a Jewish divorce.

I plan weddings and delivery homilies.  I represent the Jewish community at any number of interfaith gatherings- gatherings, vigils, colloquiums, Lions Club, Rotary, human rights issues, guest speaker at local colleges college, and tour guide for students who come through the synagogue.  One question that communities need to know is will the rabbi keep us together? Factions proliferate and attitudes are about as diverse as they can be. Is the rabbi able to keep the congregation as one people, and one single community, while increasing numbers? 

During my tenure I have sought to create and independent community, one that is capable of living a meaningful Jewish life in the quietude of their own homes. Consider all of the energy has gone into adult education. It should not seem surprising after all the hours spent in creating programs in the shul that my personal goal was to create a more literate Jewish community.

A Rabbi's Direction

There are times when being a rabbi can be a most difficult and terrible burden. I may not be in a particularly good mood one evening and may offend people by not smiling or saying hello. While this does not sound like a terrible crime, it can be distressing for someone who is hurting inside. There are, I have to admit, times when I do not wish to be disturbed and I cannot find a place for solitude; but if someone needs me I cannot tell them to call back tomorrow.

And yet that role suits me better than being the official paginator. There have been more than a few people in my lifetime who have become irked because I do not announce pages every five or so minutes.  And there are others who are bothered that I do not include more English in the service. Admittedly, for those who neither read Hebrew nor wish to read Hebrew, the service would be more meaningful if I became a full-time paginate and introduced lots of English. Stubbornly, I refuse. 

Wouldn’t service be so much more stirring if everyone could participate by reading the Hebrew language? Imagine everyone singing, everyone reading, and davenning. Talk about uplifting! I seek to spur, urge, the congregation to mindfully educationally and spiritually grow. There in lies the core of the largest number of sermons I give, Growth. As individuals and as a community we must continually seek to expand to push the boundaries of our abilities.  “Where there is no growth there is death,” teach our sages.  I will not stand idly by and watch people die of spiritual malnutrition.

So I create more work for myself. More telephone calls. More letters. More urgings. And I have no problem with that. I look with pride at what I have accomplished these past years together with you. We are stronger, wiser, more active Jewishly and more capable of survival than ever before.

Organs

A prominent halakhist wrote:

“Human life is not a good to be preserved as a condition of other’s values but as an absolute, basic and precious good in its own right. The obligation to preserve life is commensurately all-encompassing.”

So much discussion in our time is given to how much we need to devote ourselves to the quality of life and surrounding issues. As we edge closer to a fuller and better understanding of human physiology we begin to wrestle with the deepest issues of the value of life.

As indicated by the above quote, which is in consonance with the Conservative Jewish understanding of law, a person’s life is about the most important factor to be considered in any ethical dilemma. In fact, the Torah dictum, “do not stand idly by as your neighbor’s blood is being shed,” an is imperative to take action when someone is in danger.  Rashi interprets this phrase to mean that we must use every available resource to ensure that our “neighbor’s blood” is not shed. We are exhorted to preserve life.

An example of this kind of compassion extends to the laws of Yom Kippur.   A critically ill person must not fast on the Day of Awe. Similarly, a sick child’s brit milah (ritual circumcision) is postponed from the eighth day.  To do otherwise is to violate a commandment cited in the name of God!

The Rabbis extended the idea of preserving life to encompass the enhancement of life. For example, it is deemed critical to preserve a person’s eyesight. To stand by as a person’s vision atrophies is be tantamount to watching them lose their life’s blood.

The question of saving or enhancing a life has been one, which has vexed the Jewish community for some time.  Swirling around us has been the idea that organs donated can be used for experimental purposes. This is clearly against Jewish law. For this reason, I continue to be reluctant to endorse the donation of organs.

Yet the Conservative Movement has designed a legal document that affords us the possibility of organ donation to be only used in the instance where it can save or enhance someone’s life.  I urge you to obtain a copy.