A Thought....

 We live this life as if it matters.  And perhaps it does.  Everything our faith tells us about this physical universe is that our actions matter; they make a difference.  How we act, what we say, the piecing together of mitzvot or aveirot seem to indicate that, yes, we make a difference - whether we want to acknowledge the truth of that or steadfastly ignore it.  

And yet at the same time everything seems to be of so little consequence.  What truly makes a lasting difference?  Doesn't Proverbs tell us that all is "vanity"?  All that we see and do is nothing but self-deception, an ode to the self?  We are so over-occupied with telling ourselves that we 'count' when in actuality, what really counts in the final analysis?

And pain.  If everything matters, if this world is the sum of existence, then pain too matters. It is real, objective and meaningful.  We need to squirm when afflicted.  If, on the other hand, little matters in these scant years of life, then what difference does pain make?  It is as inconsequential as a flower bursting into light only to wilt tomorrow?  Pain and exuberance are ephemeral, so fleeting that their impact is negligible on our lives.

My sense is that we we do matter for a few reasons: What we do matters to our self-esteem.  How we behave rebounds on what we think of ourselves.  In turn, what we think of ourselves then has an impact on how we behave due to a positive or negative self-image.  I also sense that what we we do matters to our soul and to God.  We become muddied and confused by poor choices and elevated by good ones.  Yet, in the grand scheme these things do not make a whole lot of difference.  After all, if God and the soul is timeless, eternal, what difference do a a few heartbeats really make?

Perhaps then in the scope of eternal life we give ourselves too much credit.  Maybe the real essence of wisdom is to live life joyfully and well and good knowing that the best is yet to come.  This life does not even register as a filament on the canvass of life.  Pain and ecstasy may make us feel more alive but God is the only final and ultimate reality.

Much love to you wherever you are....