Psychoanalyst Carl Jung wrote, “We wish to
make our lives simple, certain and smooth and for that reason problems are
taboo.”
I suspect that this is the reason why most of
us respond to, “How are you?” with “Fine,” unthinking. I usually
want to ask, “Are you really fine?”
because I know it is rarely true. Most times we are a hodgepodge of
mixed feelings ranging from euphoria to anger. We are “fine” because we do
not want to “own” – much less advertise - the things that trouble us.
Prayer, tefila (Hebrew) is complex.
Tefila is difficult because it asks us to tell the truth. That is
never simple or easy.
When a Bar or Bat Mitzvah comes to the bima I
tell them: “As you stand before this Holy Ark you have G-d’s attention.
You have taken your place with your people. You have learned Torah and
shown yourself capable. Now is your opportunity to say what you want
before HaKadosh Baruch Hu. Ask
G-d for what you need, not what you want.”
I never ask a young man or woman have
requested of G-d but I know what I have told them to do is not easy.
Tefila is not rote.
It is not simply repeating what others have said before us. Sure, that is
where it begins but then scores of sages have told us, “You must add an element
to your prayers that comes just from your heart.”
The Baal Shem Tov taught, “When wood burns,
it is only the smoke that rises; the grosser elements are left below.
With prayer, it is the same thing; only the sincere feelings ascend to heaven.”
Problems are a great clarifier. When we
acknowledge what gives us pleasure along with what pains us we are
honest. And when we integrate that combination of difficulties and
blessings, living becomes more integrated, more whole.
We do not always feel safe with others when
revealing our feelings. That is, when someone asks, how we are,
“okay” is an acceptable response even if we are not okay. But, at the very
least, we ought to acknowledge within our self the truth. This is where tefila
comes in. It asks us to be fiercely honest with praising G-d for what we
have and, at the bare minimum, concede what is missing.
Reb Hirsch Melech Dinuber once turned to the
front page of his siddur, placed on the reading desk and stated, “Almighty G-d,
I do not know what prayer to offer You. Here is the whole prayer book;
select whichever prayer pleases You best.”
Knowing oneself is not a simple task.
Prayer is not easy because it involves being fully aware of your feelings and
accepting them. Yet, once we have accomplished this task we will have
grown immeasurably.
Jews pray three times a day probably because
we need every opportunity to pry open our hearts to see what lies within.
Suggestion: Try opening your heart
fully. You may find it to be the
ultimate liberation.
