The Un-Taboo Life

                                  

Psychoanalyst Carl Jung wrote, “We wish to make our lives simple, certain and smooth and for that reason problems are taboo.”

I suspect that this is the reason why most of us respond to, “How are you?” with “Fine,” unthinking.   I usually want to ask, “Are you really fine?” because I know it is rarely true.  Most times we are a hodgepodge of mixed feelings ranging from euphoria to anger.  We are “fine” because we do not want to “own” – much less advertise - the things that trouble us.

Prayer, tefila (Hebrew) is complex.  Tefila is difficult because it asks us to tell the truth.  That is never simple or easy.

When a Bar or Bat Mitzvah comes to the bima I tell them: “As you stand before this Holy Ark you have G-d’s attention.  You have taken your place with your people.  You have learned Torah and shown yourself capable.  Now is your opportunity to say what you want before HaKadosh Baruch Hu.  Ask G-d for what you need, not what you want.”

I never ask a young man or woman have requested of G-d but I know what I have told them to do is not easy.

Tefila is not rote.  It is not simply repeating what others have said before us.  Sure, that is where it begins but then scores of sages have told us, “You must add an element to your prayers that comes just from your heart.”

The Baal Shem Tov taught, “When wood burns, it is only the smoke that rises; the grosser elements are left below.  With prayer, it is the same thing; only the sincere feelings ascend to heaven.”

Problems are a great clarifier.  When we acknowledge what gives us pleasure along with what pains us we are honest.  And when we integrate that combination of difficulties and blessings, living becomes more integrated, more whole.

We do not always feel safe with others when revealing our feelings.  That is, when someone asks, how we are, “okay” is an acceptable response even if we are not okay. But, at the very least, we ought to acknowledge within our self the truth.  This is where tefila comes in.  It asks us to be fiercely honest with praising G-d for what we have and, at the bare minimum, concede what is missing.

Reb Hirsch Melech Dinuber once turned to the front page of his siddur, placed on the reading desk and stated, “Almighty G-d, I do not know what prayer to offer You.  Here is the whole prayer book; select whichever prayer pleases You best.”

Knowing oneself is not a simple task.  Prayer is not easy because it involves being fully aware of your feelings and accepting them.  Yet, once we have accomplished this task we will have grown immeasurably.

Jews pray three times a day probably because we need every opportunity to pry open our hearts to see what lies within.

Suggestion: Try opening your heart fully.  You may find it to be the ultimate liberation.