The Who

These past months have given us ample opportunity to consider and re-think our lives.  Hopefully, we have reflected on the meaning of our relationships, our work, our spiritual selves and perhaps we have set new objectives and priorities in our lives as a result of this thoughtful deliberation.  If this has happened, or if we are still in mid-process of reassessing our priorities, we have used this time of confinement wisely.  After all, what is pain, if not an opportunity to change and grow?

Shlomo Carlebach reminded us that there are two essential questions that we can ask of one another.  The first is “what” and the second is “who.”  What is the difference between the two questions?

When we ask, “What are you?” the answer is usually something like “I am a nurse.”  Or “I am a businessperson.”  “I work for the labor department.”  Or “I am Jewish.”  “I am Methodist.”  These responses elicit a positive or negative reaction.  If we approve of how they define themselves we let them know in spoken or nonverbal ways – either with a look of disapproval or word of positive engagement.  

The “what” question does not get to the heart of the identity of the other.  It only wants to categorize the person; put a label on them.  Once we have successfully labeled them we know where to put them on the hierarchy of importance.  This person is good because they have such-and-such skills.  This person has little value as anyone could do what they do.

When we want to know the “who” of our brother or sister, it means we want to understand them; what do they value, what are their needs, soul to soul.  Once we connect to the “who” of a person we can build strong, deep and healthy relationships.  

“What” does not build.  It does not heal the wounded.  It does not give tzedaka.  Only the “who” does these things.  The “who” repairs” hurt feelings; it feeds the hungry, it visits the sick, it nourishes relationships.

An observation from a hitchhiker: When you have a short distance to travel and need a ride people generally do not want to give you a ride.  But a driver who passed by a hitchhiker long before and did not bother to stop has a nagging conscience that they could have helped someone but did not.  So, they are the only likely person to pick up the lone traveler.  Their guilt is assuaged.

Each day we have the opportunity to see others as a “what” (a means to fulfill our needs) or a “who” which enables us to see the deepest levels of another human being and thus do mitzvahs as we see others for who they really are.  This is Torah.  When you read and learn Torah you understand the profound way in which we are called to see other people.  Do not miss the opportunity every person represents.

I pray that this time of the pandemic has not only made it possible for us to reassess our values but readjust the way in which we see everyone else as a “who.”  If so, this period of solitude has been well worth it.

Charity

Charity, I do not like. Not that I want to discourage people, mind you. It's just that I do not like the implications of the word. Charity to me, implies kind of hierarchy. We can give charity to the unfortunate needy. The word charity actually comes from the Latin root, Caritas. Caritas means affection or fondness.  Therefore, when we give “charity” we are doing so out of love. Nice idea.  I do not think so.

I would argue that if we give only out of a feeling for the poor will not give when our song remains on moved by their plight. It is easy to have a heart swayed by a waif with a wide out eyes who is resembles Oliver Twist and remain implacable in the face of a malformed body. Dennis Prager has challenged many high school teenagers with the following scenario: two men of equal worse see a beggar. One is moved to tears by the poor person’s situation. He commiserates and gives him one dollar. The next man sees the man takes $10 from his pocket and grudgingly gives it to the beggar. Prager then asks who has done the better thing. The overwhelming response is that the one who is overtly sympathetic, and give only a dollar, is better.  That is wrong.

Judaism does not demand pathos, although it is a nice addition to make us more human. Our faith states that we need to do acts of tzedaka, not charity. Tzedaka means righteousness. In the case of the two man who saw the beggar and reacted, Judaism would say that the one who aided the beggar so that he has enough to eat has performed the mitzvah. Beggars may benefit from charity but they live from tzedakah.

Tzedakah comes from the word tzedek.  Tzedek means righteousness or justice.  Tzedakah is the Jewish moral code by which we are commanded to live.

On Giving

Just say you have one or two million dollars to give away.  It was a good year and now it is time to give back; time to do some “tikkun,” improvement.  The first decision you need to make is how to best use such a goodly amount. After all, being a good entrepreneur with solid business skills, you know that giving money must also be solidly researched and well-thought.  So you begin to think of all the worthwhile charities you can donate the money to with an awareness that the money must make a real and significant difference for your people.  You want to give it to Jews. 

The next decision is how best to allocate the money; there are many worthwhile causes.  Among them are programs and activities for the infirmed.  The money could go a long way toward giving meaning to the elderly.  Israel is a possibility too.  With years at war and ongoing economic as well as frontal assaults, such an infusion of cash would give much needed money along with an unspoken statement of support.  Youth programs are certainly worthwhile.  Recreational and sports activities for children.  So many things to choose!

You could even decide to divide the money up among the many willing and noble causes.  Why not give a little to each?  The only problem with that is that he greatest effect of the donation will not be met.  A single lasting contribution by you cannot be achieved when the money is thinned out among different agencies.  What do you do?

The one area so often overlooked when philanthropists seek ways to contribute to the welfare of the Jewish people is through the synagogue.  Odd, isn’t it?  In the past twenty years memorials and museums have been constructed to the memory of the Six Million in metropolises throughout the world.  Relying on deep pockets these buildings rise on significant gifts and bequests.  Massive JCCs have been built in virtually every city through the nation costing many millions of dollars.   At the same time, most religious institutions continue to exist on a shoe-string budget.  They barely balance their meager balance sheets.  And yet synagogues are the most meaningful contributors to Jewish survival! 

The fact that there are philanthropists at all that still remember they are Jewish is because of the shuls they were brought up in.  They never forgot the lessons of cheder (religious school).  Their teachers were insistent that tzedaka is humanity’s redemption.   Ingrained in their memory are sitting at shul and crying to God.  They will never forget the serious learning the long impassioned discussions about tzedaka and justice.  Wrapped in a tallit, benching licht (candle lighting), full emotional outpouring of the soul are all memories which inform the present.

It is usual too see sprawling hospitals in large metropolitan areas named for Jewish contributors.  The same is true of our universities.  A few years back a very rich and giving philanthropist died.  He donated millions to museums, institutions of learning.  One of his many legacies is the Annenberg Foundation which gives away grants and affords opportunities for many people throughout our country.    Training programs, educational media, communications and so much more were left by Walter Annenberg.  The name will be familiar if you watch PBS.  Little was given to Jewish causes.  Nothing at all that I am aware of was given to synagogues.  Why?

The same question can be leveled at many Jewish do-gooders.  Why do they ignore the fountain which feeds all the tributaries  If it were to dry up, rest assured the balance of the Jewish landscape would wither in its wake.  The Day Schools are in a similar quandary.  While they nurture the youngest shoots of the flower they receive scant attention from big donors.  Millions are given to create a chair at a university which does nothing to foster Jewish identity while rabbis and principals go about with their hands out.

Another oddity: all the afore mentioned buildings and programs will eventually fall away.  As proven through the epochs the only remaining feature of Jewish life are shuls and their educational appendages.  Need proof?  Think of the last time you traveled.  What noteworthy Jewish sites remain for more than a century?  Almost without exception they are synagogues.  What happened to the rest of their communal activities and structures?  We do not know.  They did not survive.

So why do the moneyed forget the place where the future is to be written?  I do not know.  But if anyone has an answer I would love to hear it. 

The Synagogue

When God gave His holy Torah to the people there was thunder shattering the air already thick with smoke.  The earth convulsed, as it was about to give birth to a new universe of order and justice and hesed.

And yet as we come to the next book of the Torah we are perplexed.  God speaks to the people through the Ohel Mo’ed, the Tent of Meeting.  In there, God spoke directly to His servant, Moshe.  When the Divine Voice spoke Moshe heard clearly, the ancient ones tell us.  Those outside the Ohel Mo’ed heard God’s Voice indistinctly.  They had to try to listen to hear the words being spoken.

Many of the sages wonder why the change.  Why was God’s Voice so thunderous at one time and barely discernable the next?

An answer: God was preparing us for a time when His diminished Voice would have to be sought.  That is why we come to the sanctuaries of today; it is where the Voice is most keenly felt.

That is why synagogue has been the central hub of all things Jewish for millennia.  From that place we feed the hungry; it is where we learn Torah.  Synagogues are places where children are educated; babies are named, brises are conducted, weddings performed and mourners encouraged.  From this cornerstone of Judaism cemeteries were purchased, news about Israel was gathered, and Federations were born.

When something goes wrong where do we gather for mutual support and strength?  Where can we pour out our heart without fear of ridicule or judgment?  It has always been the same whether in France, Poland, Russia or Yemen.

That is why support for the Synagogue remains the first and most critical arena for our ongoing care.  Without this what would remain?  Most of us know from our personal experience growing up in small hamlets around the south that when a synagogue closes in town there is no Jewish life left.  It is dead.

I am not a fundraiser.  I do not possess those creative talents.   I ask you to consider either a gift to the synagogue of whatever amount you can afford….or even better….think of leaving a legacy grant to the synagogue in your will.  Imagine the great good that can be done in preserving and enhancing Jewish life in Columbia for years to come!  The power of extending the gift to the next generation – as it was gifted to us – lies within our hands.

Remember all Jewish events and program are extensions of what we teach and promulgate right here.  

Yet. Don’t wait to be asked.

Be Charitable

Charities are doing lousy.  So writes the New York Times (7/30/02).

Population is gyrating up.  Donations are down.   Two necessary ingredients for disaster.

Judaism is compulsive about giving.  In fact, our tradition is so heavily dependent on the notion of giving, that tzedaka is absolute.  That is, we must do acts of tzedaka whether we feel like it or not.

Idea: Barbara Silver runs A Package From Home*.  Barbara sends toothbrushes, socks and hats to hayalim bodeddim, soliders in Israel with no family.  She also encloses a note of thanks for the job of defending the country.

Idea: Mazon** annually provides about $1,000,000 to charitable organizations around the country.  They support soup kitchens, work programs and our own Harvest Hope needs all our help locally.

A View from Israel::  “Today I visited terrorism survivors in hospital, bringing chocolate bars and balloons.  Some have been there already a month and have much longer to go.  One teenager was bombed in Café Moment and her entire leg had bolts sticking out of it to hold it together.  One young guy was shot by a terrorist in Neve Yaakov over a month ago, and he explained that his entire left side was riddled with bullets.  Another guy was with him and he too is still in the hospital, hardly able to move his leg.  Another young guy said he doesn’t ever sleep because he’s in so much pain.  He was also in the Café Moment bombing.  We talked to his mom too, who is having a hard time with the expense of getting to and from the hospital every single day.  She lives all the way across the city.  They all visit with each other, this young group of terrorism survivors and it was so nice to see how they keep each other company.  The entire visit had a strong emotional impact on me that I haven’t yet had time to process.

One of the most powerful moments came with our final visit, to an older woman who was in the Passover bombing in Netanya.  Her spirits were very low and she kept talking about wanting to have peace and for the attacks to stop.  We talked for several minutes before I noticed the tattoo on her arm from the Holocaust.

This personal narrative is from Person-to-Person Action Corps in Israel*.  They visit hospital, bring balloons, buy underwear…. whatever is needed by the survivors of acts of deadly terrorism.

Idea: Tuesdays with Friends offers opportunities to serve the older members in Columbia.  For information about TWF call the office. (Beth Shalom members cook and serve meals once a month).

Idea:  Numerous opportunities for tzedaka exist in our own shul.   We cook and serve the handicapped twice yearly.  We run a programs for people in homes and hospitals and shul members members cook and serve a meals once a  We run programs for the elderly now too. 

Charity giving may be down but in the Jewish faith we have learned some great lessons through the long epochs.  One of them is that we must always give; giving refines the soul and provides a genuine sense of worth.   May it be said of us when we pass from this physical universe that the world is a better place because we were here.

American Jewish World Service
45 West 36th Street
New York, NY 10018

T: 212-792.2900   ajws@ajws.org. 

 **             MAZON

                  1990 South Bundy Drive

                  Suite 260

                  Los Angeles, CA 90025-5232

                  E-Mail:  mazonmail@mazon.org

                  www.mazon.org

Unetaneh Tokef

One of the great photographs that imprinted itself on my mind is the one of a smiling Harry Truman holding up a newspaper declaring that Dewey (not Truman) was the new president.  I understand the dilemma of the newspaper.  They have a deadline and they need to print news while it is still news!  So, they hedge their bets, make their best guess, and now and again they get it wrong.  Like with Truman.

I think of this as we approach the Days of Awe.  I particularly am drawn toUnetaneh tokef, which tell us that our personal sinfulness does not have to be meted out as punishment. “How many shall leave this world, and how many shall be born; who shall live and who shall die, who in the fullness of years and who before, who by fire and who by water… but teshuva, tefila, and tzedaka can avert the harsh decree.“  These are powerful, resonant words that stir the soul. 

Yet, it is a bit like declaring before the ball game or all the ballots are in, who is the winner.  How do we know that teshuva, tefilla and tzedaka will avert the harsh decree?  Maybe our cousin will get cancer.   Good people may starve or otherwise be made to suffer.  Anti-Semitism seems to grow stronger every year!  Isn’t the Unetaneh tokef, a bit presumptive?

Look closer.  The concluding words state, “But teshuva (repentance), tefilla (prayer), and tzedaka can avert the severity of the decree.”  This is the most hopeful statement of faith one could ever find.

There are no sureties in life.  None of us is guaranteed anything- not health, money, care, or even life.  And still the Unetaneh tokef asserts that we still have a choice in what happens to us, or at least how we choose to live through the ordeals of life.  We CAN choose to lead a life of introspection; one where we regret the bad choices we made and vow to do better next time; where we pray to God for illumination, blessing and wisdom to lead a decent life; where we choose to love nobly by enhancing the lives of others.  This is the real meaning of that prayer- “teshuva, tefilla and tzedaka CAN” make a difference.

It rains on picnics.  That is reality.  But the rain does not have to decide how we choose to live.  Nothing dictates our attitude or the choices we make unless we willfully abdicate that responsibility. 

May God’s blessing be upon you in the coming year.  And may you bow your head in humble and joyful acceptance of this gift.

What Should You Support?

Hypothetically.  Just say you have one or two million dollars to give away.  It was a good year and now it is time to give back; time to do some “tikkun,” improvement.  The first decision you need to make is how to best use such a goodly amount. After all, being a good entrepreneur with solid business skills, you know that giving money must also be solidly researched and well-thought.  So you begin to think of all the worthwhile charities you can donate the money to with an awareness that the money must make a real and significant difference for your people.  You want to give it to Jews. 

The next decision is how best to allocate the money; there are many worthwhile causes.  Among them are programs and activities for the infirmed.  The money could go a long way toward giving meaning to the elderly.  Israel is a possibility.  With years at war and ongoing economic as well as frontal assaults, such an infusion of cash would give much needed money along with an unspoken statement of support.  Youth programs are certainly worthwhile.  Recreational and sports activities for children.  So many things to choose!

You could even decide to divide the money up among the many willing and noble causes.  Why not give a little to each?  The only problem with that is that the greatest effect of the donation will not be met.  A single lasting contribution by you cannot be achieved when the money is thinned out among different agencies.  What do you do?

The one area so often overlooked when philanthropists seek ways to contribute to the welfare of the Jewish people is through the synagogue.  Odd, isn’t it?  In the past twenty years memorials and museums have been constructed to the memory of the Six Million in metropolises throughout the world.  Relying on deep pockets these buildings rise on significant gifts and bequests.  Massive JCCs have been built in virtually every city through the nation costing many millions of dollars.   At the same time, most religious institutions continue to exist on a shoe-string budget.  They barely balance their meager balance sheets.  And yet synagogues are the most meaningful contributors to Jewish survival! 

The fact that there are philanthropists at all that still remember they are Jewish is because of the shuls they were brought up in.  They never forgot the lessons of cheder (religious school).  Their teachers were insistent that tzedaka is humanity’s redemption.   Ingrained in their memory are sitting at shul and crying to God.  They will never forget the serious learning the long impassioned discussions about tzedaka and justice.  Wrapped in a tallit, benching licht (candle lighting), full emotional outpouring of the soul are all memories which inform the present.

It is usual too see sprawling hospitals in large metropolitan areas named for Jewish contributors.  The same is true of our universities.  A few years back in 2002 a very rich billionaire philanthropist died.  Creator of the famous TV Guide and Seventeen magazines Walter Annenbery was also a powerful voice in politics.  He donated millions to museums and institutions of learning including the Annenberg Schools of Communication.  One of his many legacies is the Annenberg Foundation which gives away grants and affords opportunities for many people throughout our country.    Training programs, educational media, theatres, hospitals, communications and so much more were left by Walter Annenberg.  The name will be familiar if you watch PBS.  Little was given to Jewish causes.  Nothing at all that I am aware of was given to Synagogues.  Why?

The same question can be leveled at many Jewish do-gooders.  Why do they ignore the fountain which feeds all the tributaries  If it were to dry up, rest assured the balance of the Jewish landscape would wither in its wake.  The Day Schools are in a similar quandary.  While they nurture the youngest shoots of the flower they receive scant attention from big donors.  Millions are given to create a chair at a university which does nothing to foster Jewish identity while rabbis and principals go about with their hands out.

Another oddity: all the afore mentioned buildings and programs will eventually fall away.  As proven through the epochs the only remaining feature of Jewish life are shuls and their educational appendages.  Need proof?  Think of the last time you traveled.  What noteworthy Jewish sites remain for more than a century?  Almost without exception they are synagogues.  What happened to the rest of their communal activities and structures?  We do not know.  They did not survive.

So why do the moneyed forget the place where the future is to be written?  I do not know.  But if anyone has an answer I would love to hear it.