When Death Visits

We dance about death in a staccato rush of steps and carefully studied movements.  Evert Jew knows about Shiva and its accompanying rituals. Our hearts have been pierced by the rending of the tiny strip of cloth, nondescript ribbon attached to our clothing. We have all experienced the pain of throwing down the final clods of earth at the interment service.

Intricate customs surround the emptiness and angst of death.  Some, we are familiar with, others we must learn.  Yet, the question ought to be asked, for whom are these traditions observed?  For the living?  Or for the dead?

If the rites of mourning are for the living, provide a sense of simplicity. We bury all those who have passed from this world in the same way: the body is treated with dignity and reverence.  We do not allow autopsy to destroy the remains of our beloved. Gently, the body is cleansed and robed and holy shrouds – tachrichin –that comes from the holy land.  The decedent is then placed in a simple wooden vessel.

There is more.  Jewish tradition demands that the mourners participate in the physical interment. The reality of death is confronted as shovels of earth are lifted and emptied.  Denial of death is unlikely.  Our faith posits that the bereft must deal with the pain of their loss and accompanying pain.  We do not shrink from its reality.  This is the way of psychological wholeness and healing.  The eating of eggs, returning from the cemetery, the prayers and kaddishes, the sitting on low stools for seven days all act in concert to heal the soul. In our tradition we allow ourselves the privilege of crying as much as we need.  And this, says Judaism, is healthy.  One must shed tears and reflect on our personal misery so that we may return to life with fewer scars later.

Or. Are these ancient laws for a different universe?  Do they exist for some other hidden reason?

Among the long discourses of our Sages, of blessed memory, is the statement that the soul peregrinates from the body upon death.  Enduring terrible pain because of its own earthly sinfulness, the soul (neshama) is excoriated for one year in the netherworld called Sheol. Only the most pure and pious ones escape a fate.

However, the faith of the living has the power to banish the torment of the neshama.  The holy words uttered in their memory alleviate the pain of the dead.  Kaddish is the way in which the living attend to their beloved who have travelled to the next world.  In this way the living penetrate the thick veil of death for the sake of Divine forgiveness and mercy.  We urge God to hear our prayers on behalf of our lost love.   when we mourn, as we inevitably will, for whom do we go through the age old rituals?  For the living?  The survivors?  Or the dead? The answer is clearly both.