Change

Time reminds us to circle back.   Each passing year brings us the same occasions- birthdays, holy days, anniversaries.  In fact the Hebrew word for year, shana, means to repeat.  I guess you could translate the words, shana tova to mean, “have a good “repeat” this time around.”

As we draw close to the New Year our tradition asks that we revisit an old familiar place, our history, and with good intention and enough willpower, have a better “repeat.”

The Sages knew the value of exploring the past.  They use a passage in the Torah to help illustrate.  Abraham digs wells and names them.  His son, Isaac, repeats the same process.  What we are to learn from this is that each of us needs to explore our roots by delving into them in a process that successive generations have performed.  It does not matter that we are doing what has been done before.  By digging our own wells we continually uncover new truths and a powerful means to rise above what we have been.  We are not yet who we can be.

Heshbon HaNefesh is the process of making a personal inventory of where we have traveled, who we have become.  In Recovery programs this is fourth step along the path to wholeness.  For many this is the most vexing step because it involves looking at an unvarnished picture of ourselves.  It involves answering questions like, Who have I hurt?  How have I settled for less than I could have given?  Have I practiced what I have preached to others?  Do I like what I have done?

In the thirteenth century a Spaniard, Raimon Lull, pursued a woman and attempted to woo her.  After many years, Lull finally succeeded in arranging a secret rendezvous.

Silently she revealed a body wracked by cancer.  Raimon Lull’s life changed.  Turning from his life’s course, he became an eminent theologian.

While illustrative of how change happens, Raimon Lull was only able to chart a new life for himself because he asked himself to face the meaning of his actions.  This was not the easy path but it was the one that led him to realize his potential and self-worth.

Ellul, this month, is when we are directed to practice Heshbon HaNefesh.  What an inventory allows us to do is make a fresh start.  In our siddur is a quote from Martin Buber, “You cannot find redemption until you see the flaws in your own soul.”  All change starts with seeing a real reflection of our self, flaws included.

The Talmud teaches us in its pithy fashion, “Blessing is found only in a thing hidden from the eye.”  Change is not easy; it requires great courage; but it yields profound blessing and it all begins when we circle back to the beginning and are fearless in looking at who we have become.

Get ready for Ellul is here.

Who may ascent the mountain of the Lord?

Who may stand in His holy abode?

One who has clean hands and a pure heart. (Psalms 24)