Change, continued

In my last article  I introduced the idea of Hesbon HaNefesh as a soulful inventory.  We are supposed to do this Heshbon each year prior to the High Holy Days.  They become the catalyst that undergirds our time with God.  Allow me to explain.

Let’s start with the desert.  A desert is a midbar in Hebrew.  The midbar is where our ancestors spent most of their time after Egypt.  This midbar is not a physical place it is a mindful space.  When we are lost we are in a midbar.  When we wander in life looking for satisfaction but gaining none we are in the midbar.  When we feel distant, alienated from God we are in a midbar.  Is it any surprise that the generation that was saved from Pharaoh wandered in a midbar for forty years?  Most people do the same today!

Every Hebrew word has a root meaning.  In the case of midbar, the root is davar, thing.  In other words, the midbar is tangible to those who are in it.  It is as real as life.  In our quest for meaning the midbar is an arid wasteland where time is spent.  To much time.

Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz has written about the danger of living in such a place.  “For it is a spiritual disquiet, much more than a guilty feeling, that makes us feel the urge to take a look back.  Indeed, we feel we are no longer the right person in the right place, we feel we are becoming outsiders in a world whose scheme of things escapes us.”

The Torah’s response to the midbar is an accounting.  We have a whole book of the Torah devoted to this notion.  It is called Numbers.   

Accountings are made time and again to show future generations that the antidote to the midbar is Heshbon HaNefesh, an accounting of the soul.  We cease wandering when we know our goal, the destination.  Life is no longer random.  It has meaning.  Our lives resonate with that newfound meaning.

How does one make such an inventory?

We begin with a piece of paper and pen.  On them we write:

I wish I could be different by………………

I’d like to make a difference in the world by………………

In this next year I will…………………….

I will no longer………………….

This is the start of the soulful inventory that takes us out of the midbar revealing us to ourselves.  We stop being fearful and evasive when we know that the real us has been in hiding and it is safe to come out.   This is the chance offered to us as the holy days beckon.