Shabbat Down Home

Hear the one about the dysfunctional family? After years of bitter pain and deep hurt they went to a psychiatrist. Years passed in therapy. After $50,000 worth of couch counseling the doctor spoke. He prescribed that they sit down to dinner as a family. Outlining his plan, he told them that when they get there around the table they had to refrain from watching television. And if that was not enough, they were obligated to either let the telephone ring or put on an answering machine. Family time. No disruptions. No exceptions.

This is holistic family medicine. It sounds nice doesn’t it? When I first heard that story (and I’ve heard it in various incarnations over the years) I either think of the Waltons with their serene existence -the most raucous episode included John-Boy not want to do his homework - not writing suicide notes or how stupid and insensitive modernity has made us.

Every family needs family time or that family will corrode from the inside out. The result?  The members seek another family. That is why kids to join cults, seek other faiths, or fall into bad relationships often come out of these corroded families. As no one can live without a support system (read: family) a surrogate family is deeply needed.

Shabbat is not an aberration, a mistake.  Candles are lit, the mood is set, wine is carried to the white covered tablecloth.  “Shabbat Shalom” precedes the singing of Shalom Aleichem, asking the angels to bless us.  Parents bless children.  Adults bless one another.  To touch is part of this sacred ceremony.  For the children hands are placed on their heads as the age-old formula is recited, “yivarechecha….”

I am always amazed that we are reluctant to take the medicine that we know we need.  We all loved “Father Knows Best” but stubbornly refuse to frame our lives in a structure and loving way.  Psychiatrists offices are crammed full of people who balk at accepting their inheritance.  Better to spend thousands of dollars to be told by the therapist that we need to spend more time with family…and answer the call of God.

Save yourself $50,000.

If we were to attend a restaurant that was decked out with pretty tablecloth, fresh bread, romantic candles, soft lights,, soon we would call it exceptional. And you can’t buy it anyway. Because it is free. Only free. No matinees. Only Friday night showings.

Shabbat is for home. It is for peace and family. I don’t even mind if you do not come to shul (yes I really said that!). Just be with the people you love.

But if you really want to spend $50,000 who am I to tell you no?