Upon Reflection

“Upon reflection.”

I have always liked those words because they mean something.  Instead of blurting out the first thing that comes to to mind, “upon reflection” indicates depth.  That is precisely what is supposed to be happening now.

“Repent one day before your death,” advises Pirkay Avot.  But the Talmud wisely asks, “Who knows when they are going to die?” 

Precisely.  Therefore, they counsel, repent every day.  Easier written than done.

Expressing sorrow, regret, is complex.  It means defying the voice of the ego, which loudly proclaims, “You were right!  They were wrong!  How can you apologize to someone who is so callous?  A brute?  An idiot?”  If you say you are sorry you will become diminished.  

Of course this is a lie told by our ego but if it said loud enough who has the strength to go against it?

The Holy Days are the time for repair work.  Fixing stuff.  Hurt feelings. Broken relationships.  Hearing and responding to the soft but insistent voice of our conscience demanding that wrongs be made rights.  

Human nature does not change.  We have been at war with our self for eons.  Two thousand years ago scholars wondered, “What if they reject my apology?  Must I go back and humble ourselves again? (Yes, up to three times, they counsel).  What if the person is dead? (We visit the grave and speak to their spirit).

Judaism does not let us off the hook easily.  It insists that we find mechanisms to quell the voice of pride and the seemingly all-powerful defense mechanisms and become simple and whole once again.

It is easy, too easy, to see the flaws in others.  It far more daunting to see them in us and then ask, as Rabbi Jonah of Gerona taught, “One must ask oneself: ‘What have I done? What have I become?’”

The answer begins with these words, “upon reflection….”