Think Positive

To have an effect on the way a day turns out is no small achievement.

Years ago my young son got into trouble when he stubbornly refused to clean his room.  It was wall-to-wall shmutz.  As he continued to defiantly oppose the prospect of cleaning the room, shaking his head defiantly, he was punished.

Later that day, when he was out playing, he tripped, fell and skinned both knees.  He cried at the sight of the jagged skin and blood.  The pain was made infinitely worse by the horrid look of his mangled knees.

We dressed the leg after cleansing it and then applied an anti-bacterial ointment.  Afterward, he went out to play, much more carefully now and with noticeably less agility.

By mid-afternoon, this seven-year-old had lost his two Ninja Turtle action figures, merely a few hours old.  Together we launched a search mission but met with no success.

After these episodes, my son entertained himself with crayons and abundant imagination.  He played in the kitchen with them the long afternoon. At dinnertime he was positively beaming when I gave him his plastic turtle figures, which I had found on the front lawn.

To anyone but a kid such a day would’ve been devastating.

Compare:

>Having a “tiff’ with our friend or spouse

>Banging our fingers on the door or breaking a fingernail.

>Losing our ring somewhere near the kitchen counter.

What I have personally witnessed such a day would bring many to their knees in despair.  And we all know that the potential for things to go wrong is enormous.

When we get up in the morning Jewish tradition tells us to say the following prayer:

My God.

The soul You have given me is pure, for You created it. You formed it and You made it live within me. You watch over it daily. One day, you will take it from me and bring it to everlasting life.

God and God of my fathers, as long as this soul is within me I will declare that You are the master of all deeds, the ruler of all creatures and the Lord of every living soul.

Blessed are you Lord, who brings life to the lifeless, exhausted body.

Perhaps one the greatest human achievements is to allow the 10 wonderful things that happen to us every day, to outweigh the one negative event.

That's Rich

One of the most frequent and obvious questions I am asked concerns happiness.  The question takes various forms like, “How can I stop feeling so down?” and why can’t my wife be more supportive and sympathetic?” and “When will the good things start?”  The questions all focus on the idea (and ideal) of personal happiness.

Here is what Phyllis Theroux writes:  “Maybe it’s best to treat happiness like a deer in the forest.  Sometimes it will emerge from the woods and pay you a visit.  But it dislikes undue attention.  And if you chase it, it will run away.”

The more we speed up chasing after happiness the greater the distance between it and us.  With the exception of forms of physical emotional abuse happiness is not generated from without; it comes from within.  It cannot be achieved or won as a reward.  It simply is recovered.  Happiness is in being.

A single Hebrew word has always caught and held my attention, Ashray.  Nemesis of all Hebrew school children, the Ashray is the litmus test for Hebrew fluency and occupies a conspicuous part of our liturgy. 

Ashray is usually translated as  “happy,” but I think we can do better than that.  Ashray, the first word in the famous Psalm 145 is recited severe times each day.  And we are all familiar with its first cousin, from every blessing we recite, asher.  Asher means, “that which is.”  “That which is” is happy.  It asks no meaningful questions about our emotional state or childhood experiences.  It simply is.

All traditional fairy tales end with, “and they lived happily ever after.”  Takka??  They never argued?  Had spats?  Stormed out?  Threw dishes?  And where do all the money come from to pay the electric bills?  Were all the children really well behaved, blond, blue-eye kewpie dolls?  Of course not.  “Happily ever after” means living an accepting life.

The Mishna poses a question, “Who is rich?”  In good rabbinic fashion it answers its own question, “The one who is satisfied is rich.”  That is all. 

It's Adar!

It is so easy to let events overtake our lives.  The calls on our time are innumerable.  How then do we live a meaningful life when the phone rings incessantly?  How do we focus on love when the “text” function dings again?  The stock market does another nose-time.  Time to sweat.  But, wait, the children are crying….

We tend to think these things are new.  They are not.  Time is finite.  The calls on our time are infinite.  It has always been that way.

But I have good news.  This is the month of Adar (this Hebrew month according to the lunar calendar).  So what does Tradition tell us about Adar?  It says, “Be happy!”  So, Judaism says to be happy.  How do I do that?  How do I lay aside the annoyances of e-mail and bills and be happy?

Let me share a story from the great Maggid of Dubno:

Once a great ship was proudly sailing the seas.  She carried many important merchants bringing huge quantities of merchandise.  Far out in the ocean, a violent storm arose and the ship was in danger of sinking. The captain called the passengers together and asked that they throw any extraneous cargo overboard or else they may all drown.  The merchants, anxious to save their lives, began to bring out their precious possessions and toss them overboard.  One of the merchants, however, who was known to have with him considerable wealth, was about to cast over his valuables along with his tallit and tefillin.  His companions protested, “Fool!  Throw the precious gems over because you can do without them, but not those!  They are our life!”

            What the Maggid was telling his audience is that we determine what is valuable and what is not.  We decide the importance of all things.  In other words, we can actually make the decision to be happy.  So in a few weeks we will celebrate Purim.  We can come in masks and drink.  We can shout and parade.  We can eat and laugh raucously (March 24).  And it is all good.  You will choose to participate and make merry.  Or not.

Look at what the Talmud says: 

“If your head aches, study Torah.  If your throat aches, study Torah.  If your stomach aches, study Torah.  If your bones ache, study Torah.  The Torah is the cure for all ailments.”  (Eruvvin 53) 

Is this true?  Of course it is.  You know in your heart that it bears holy truth.  When we elevate pain (physical or psychological) it sharpens.  When we focus on G-d earthly demands fade.  They may not disappear but they no longer occupy all our attention and so become less important.

Talmud study happens every Shabbat (shh! Don’t tell too many people), adult education is ongoing, services are held every day and , best of all, God is always present.

“Slow me down, Lord, I am going too fast,

I can’t see my brother when he’s walking past.

I miss a lot of good things day by day;

I don’t know a blessing when it comes my way…

Slow me down, Lord, so I can talk

With some of your angels –

Slow me down to a walk.” -author unknown

Make of you days what you want them to be.  Choose the Rock of Ages.  And “don’t worry be happy. “ It’s Adar.

Happiness

Happiness is temporal. It tends to come in washes. As soon as happiness sweeps in it is drawn back into the vast ocean before the next wave comes.

As a society we are obsessed with happiness.  We want it.  Buying more things is supposed to bring happiness and it usually does until the joy of newness wears off.  Then we go shopping once again for the happiness fix.  The same can be said for the completed business deal or quota exceeded or beating our rival.  All these things bring a brief helping of happiness.  Then what?

 Julius Lester wrote, “I don’t like it when gentile and Jewish friends greet me at Rosh Hashanah with “Happy New Year.”  Rosh Hashanah is not the equivalent of January  1.

“I have never understood what “Happy New Year” is supposed to mean.  I’ve never been sure that I want to be wished happiness.  I’m not sure I know what happiness is, or that it is as important as we think.  Happiness feels better than misery, but some of the most important periods of my life have been the ones of profound unhappiness.  For all the feelings of well-being that happiness bestows upon us, it is not the goal of life.”

For our faith, happiness is not found in the goal but the process.  Achievement is usually seen as the end result.  Did we score the sale?  Did we beat the competition?  Yet, as we learn in life (and as Judaism tries to teach), it is the ‘meantime’ that matters most of all.  How we get there is more important than our arrival.

Our sages, of blessed memory, tell us to be conscious of kavannah.  Kavannah is the how of life.  How we pray is important.  That we pray is important but when the act is meaningful, worthwhile, said with fervor, it becomes a powerful life-changing force.

How we speak to other people makes a great difference.  The words may be correct but when facial clues do not match the spoken word, the communication is undermined.

How we eat matters.  How we work, behave, do tzedaka,  or dress may be more important than what we do.   Disingenuous acts do not nourish the soul - neither the giver’s or the receiver’s.  Yet, when we act with kavannah, what we do takes on great meaning.  In fact, the way deeds are executed is the pathway to holiness. 

Shavuot is coming.  It is the anniversary of the Giving of Torah.  Traditionally we study throughout the long night of Shavuot because it is a time of seeking God.  It is the seeking, the quest, the kavannah that is the ultimate and most enduring happiness. 

An old Yiddish saying: “When the head is a fool, the body is in trouble.”  With thought and deliberation even the most insignificant acts become meaningful.

Investing psychic energy into our actions enables them to become holy.