Life as it Becomes

Wonder. A stream of light from the window provides a rainbow of colors on the wall. Daddy's watch creates an animated being that flickers up-and-down defying gravity. Who cares that it does not fall?   It glimmers and shimmers for me.

It is fun to dance with one’s shadow. Move and it moves. Wherever he goes, it follows.  There is a joy in life as all things are alive and beckon. A rock can be a boat tossed by the sea; mud a delicious appetizer.

Then he awakens a second time. This occasion is no less startling than the first. Arising again, he’s not so amazed as internally befuddled. Confusion sets in has he becomes aware of what people are really. He never suspected that uncle Phil was an alcoholic. Or that mom had such a bad temper. “If I was wrong about her,” he thinks, “perhaps I am wrong about other things too.”

So he grows to learn to satisfy himself rather than look to the world or to others to satisfy him. That was a painful lesson.  He takes great delight in his own achievements. Learning to laugh again he chuckles at mortality and despises obstacles. This creature becomes a monster on ego feeding. Stuffing himself on self-gratification, he lives to live. The joys of life right now measured in the markers of tangible success.  Values become slaves to valuables.

Hair loss becomes a dramatic loss of stature but he fights on. Using an arsenal of tonics, combs, singeing, he wages war on time. Tired eyes are masqued by paints. Until his strength is sapped in the war against the creeping ravages of time he remains a stalwart warrior. Paleo-diets swimming, weight watchers, tanning salons, hair transplants will stand in line waiting for his attention. In the final analysis, sedentary life wins. Time has more strength than he can ever possess.

Weight.  A quiet satisfaction slowly replaces the hectic race of physical aggrandizement, as the girth expands. It’s all right. If he cannot win, he might as will capitulate on this score so we can concentrate on the big one. “There are other wars to be fought,” he murmurs as he ventures on to the next challenge.

Soon death replaces life as his biggest obstacle. His family and relatives seem to prove a point with her passing. They succeed. He watches as bodies are swallowed up by the earth, the same earth that bore them. They leave without a trace. There are no goodbyes or departing words of wisdom. Pain accompanies the lives of the next generation. Even more than pain is the deep realization that maybe he has been playing the wrong game. Life itself suddenly takes on new meaning. For him, the joy in life can no longer be found in the trivial distraction of things. When mortality looms close he clutches fiercely onto life.

And again wonder.  The rush of light through the window raises his spirits. He’s happy again. It is amazing that the glass on the table reflects a rainbow of color that splashes on the wall. He twists the cup and the colors dance. So what if he did not meet all his earthly goals? He smiles as the grandchildren run around the house. This is what God intended. It’s just a shame that it took so many years to become so wise. 

At best, our lives are fragmented episodes related to reach other is some haphazard and seemingly random fashion. We work hard to find satisfaction and meaning.  But the world deceives us; it offers distractions instead of truth.  It does seem odd that the Holy One, blessed be He, can wait so long for His children to learn the truth.